Apocalypse Cow Review

Apocalypse Cow - Michael   Logan

It began with a cow that just wouldn't die.


It became an epidemic that transformed Britain's livestock into sneezing, slavering, flesh-craving four-legged zombies.


And if that wasn't bad enough, the fate of the nation seems to rest on the shoulders of three hopeless individuals: an abattoir worker whose love life in non-existent thanks to the stench of death that clings to him, a teenage vegan with extreme eczema, and an inept journalist. 


As Britain descends into chaos, these unlikely heroes must pool their resources, escape the zombie herds, find the cure and save the world!


Three losers. Overwhelming odds. One outcome.


Yup, we're screwed.....


***I should note that this book is for the more mature aged group.. As there is a lot of sexual reference and swearing. ***


Wow. I probably over-starred it, but this was just pure epic awesomeness in my eyes! Zombie animals?? No more cute little kittens or puppies or horses... Or cows... Or squirrels, they just want to hump and kill you. 


Something the blurb doesn't mention is that the "zombies" are also sex crazed, meaning they try to have sex with you then rip out your throat. 


In the beginning  the book tells you about the lives of the three unlikely heroes;

Terry: The abattoir worker... He is a lot nicer of a character than you would expect.

Lesley: The inept journalist... Hopeless at journalism, but a likable character.

Geldof: The teenage vegan with extreme eczema... Also a very horny virgin... He is a funny character, throughout the book I was kinda hoping he would just get laid but no.. He doesn't... He also has the biggest crush on his math teacher and fantasizes about arousing her with hard math questions.....


And then the heroes all end up with each other at Geldof's house. Geldof figured out that there was precisely 1,247.62 animals for every armed member of the security forces, and that oddly enough, the virus didn't affect birds, or humans..... Or does it??


So they spend a few days at Geldof's house with a few other people; Mary (Math teacher), David (Mary's husband), Malcom & Tony (Mary's twin boys), Fanny and James (Geldof's hippy parents), Constance (The scientist who helped create the virus) and of course Lesley, Terry and Geldof and I'm sure that's it, fair to say... Not everyone makes it out of the house.


It did't help that Lesley, Terry and Constance where being hunted down by another member of the government (Brown) to kill them... He stays a constant threat throughout the book. 


They decided to try and get into France through the Chunnel. Whilst trying to do this, I'll use Lesley's words...


"....Drove along railway lines, sneaked through Glasgow city centre. Saw piles of bodies, animal and human, being burned. Was stopped by soldiers and taken to a refugee camp, where the army was essentially holding people captive to stop the virus mutating. Heard that soldiers were shooting people who sneezed, just in case. Saw refugee camp attacked by hundreds of cows. All on fire. Took Brown captive. Flew to Channel Tunnel in hijacked helicopter, which then crashed. Walked through the tunnel for a while. Got in gun battle with Brown, who had picked up mutated version of the virus, as far as I know the first human to get it. Killed him. Drove to France in little service vehicle, where we talked our way in....."


Overall! I think this was a great quick read! It had everything.. Literally! Embarrassing parents, zombies, bad people, good people, sex, humour, bullies.. The lot. I can see why the book won the Terry Pratchett Prize. 


I would recommend this book for anyone who loves zombies, sex humour books, quick reads, or just for someone who needs a laugh.